Job Search – Party of One by Susan Vagnoni Murphy

Any job hunt is stressful for the whole family. Your worries slip into your life at home unintentionally. The time you spend out at interviews and networking, or at home on the computer doing research, takes away from things you would like to be doing with your family. The guilt can be palpable.

Now picture this as a single parent. 

The loss of a job holds extra weight for the single parent. You are the sole bearer of the burden. There is no other bread-winner to fall back on; no one else to watch the family, cook dinner, check homework, or go to your child’s events while you put time into the hunt. Finances you may have saved for the future are depleted as you dedicate hours to the search, or in my case, work to build a business of your own.

My advice to other single heads of household is to find ways to keep your health, your attitude and your energy up. Avoid these pitfalls:

• Self-pity: It is an easy go-to but non-productive and even harmful.
• Isolating yourself: It can feel like you need to keep you nose to the grindstone 24/7 but this actually becomes the law of diminishing returns as you eventually burn out.
• Sticking to the same routine: Nothing is more soul sucking that repeating the same day over and over again. Shake up your routine, even if it is something as simple as packing up your computer and working for a while at a coffee shop or library.

Here are some self-affirming tips to keep you positive and feeling less alone:

• If time permits, take a one or two-day a week job to get out there and be with people. You may end up meeting someone who is a lead to your dream position. The INDEED even website has a category for Single Parent Jobs: http://www.indeed.com/q-Single-Parent-jobs.html
• Try something new. I was an election judge for the first time this year. The income was nice and it got me out of own mind and on to something much bigger for a day.
• Don’t shun the holiday get-togethers just because you are low on funds. The friends you have known and been a part of still care for and support you whether you are employed or not. And, there are tons of low- and no-costs things you can do together.
• Most of all, do not forget the kids. No matter what age, they are vulnerable, they feel your pain, and they are going through this with you. Find time to talk and to play. You will come back to your job search refreshed and ready to face another day.

One final thought: When you are working from your desk at home, don't do it in your tee-shirt and old jeans. It may seem like a bonus that you don’t need to dress up for the office, but it accentuates the position you are in. Putting on a decent shirt and making sure your hair looks good at home goes a long way to bolstering your self-esteem. 

Remember, you do have a job right now - it is finding the new career that will let you shine.

FYI: I am launching a new blog in light of the recent elections. The road can be difficult for those of us who are single parent households, and the upcoming years may bring us additional challenges. I believe there are many, many misconceptions swirling around about the life of a single parent. I hope others who are doing it on their own will appreciate this blog as a place to share and learn from other solo parents who are doing their best to raise healthy and happy families. For those who are not single parents, I sincerely wish you will read it to learn more about us and join in an open, positive dialogue. I will post a link when my new blog is up. Please check it out.